Tell me, what is it about Tuesdays? What is it about February? What is it about today, the intersection of the two, that causes such misery? I was born on a Friday in July, you know. I was not made for this sort of thing. What is it about me, anyway? Why can I get in the 98% percentile in the PSATs but not open my mouth in an in class discussion? Why do I put off homework for hours just to complain about how bored I am? Whywhywhywhy.
All I want is to go to sleep (and never wake up). But that's not true. I want so much more than that. I want the beach, even with the sand that gets everywhere and the salt water that stings your eyes. Even that. I want anonymous cities, vortexes of libraries, Central Park in May, the desert sky. I want a tree house to live in. I want dumb things and intellectual things and gourmet dessert and gummy worms passed under a sleeping bag. I want everything unattainable. I don't know what I want.
e: finished the school
looks good
me: awesome possum
i finished my will
i give everything to my cats
My tea went cold. I poured the rest of it into the sink, feeling only slightly guilty. It wasn't all tea. Some of it was tears.
In a few days I will look back at this and not feel the same way. It will seem stupid, dramatic. And then another night, a long time from now, I will read it and want to cry because that's exactly how I feel.
This song still makes me cry.
So I'm just going to keep listening to Bon Iver until I feel okay. It will come.
I'm sorry, friend :( I hate it when I have days like that. Where I just wanna curl up in a ball and block everything out, and I kind of hate myself. ...Here's a list of things to do that will hopefully make you feel better:
ReplyDeleteDon't be too hard on yourself.
Eat a pint of ice cream.
Read a good book, or THE Good Book.
Eat a pint of ice cream.
Go to Pinterest and type "kittens" in the search box.
Eat a pint of ice cream.
And last but not least, remember you are not alone. =)
xoxo,
Jessica
Diary of a Beautiful Soul
amen, amen, amen. I can totally relate... I'm sorry you're having such a hard time with everything though :(
ReplyDeleteOnce I learn to drive (I keep saying that...) we will go to the beach! And I'm only slightly offended that nothing is going to me in your will.
ReplyDeleteYou know, I had a day like this yesterday too (and blogged about it). I try to remember Proverbs 16:3. And I try to remember all the little blessings and nice things. I'm hoping this day is a better and more productive one for me, and for you.
ReplyDelete--Liz B
I know how you feel :/ It's not fun.. but hey.. lets face the world and get through it. If I can do it.. you most certainly can.
ReplyDelete\
Love always,
Alana
Kendall, Kendall, Kendall.
ReplyDeleteI don't know what to say, but I would totes give you a hug if I was there.
And Dar Williams makes me sob. I've been hearing that song since I was tiny and I still cry.
the entire second paragraph? story of my life. tuesdays + february are the worst.
ReplyDeletehope you get to feeling better!
Sounds like you could use ice cream... Just sayin' :)
ReplyDeleteI completely get how you feel, sometimes things just never seem to be how you want them.
ReplyDeleteBut if you are searching for a beautiful beach, come to Australia, the beaches and sunshine is endless.
my god, that is exactly how i am feeling.
ReplyDeletethank you for stealing my post words. :D