Friday, December 07, 2012

various degrees of narcissism or, "photobooth"

So, I was looking through photos on my mom's computer tonight (Friday nights are fun, no kidding) and I may have accidentally found all of these from the past year or so and I may have accidentally posted them all on here because I am an obnoxious teenager with an inflated ego (I really don't know why it's such a big deal, though). No, but really, looking through old photos makes me quite introspective and stuff so of course I'm not going to post all these without writing some essay reflecting on the visible changes that such forms of documentation make so accessible, or something along those lines...I mean, c'mon, you know me. Actually, I'm not really in the mood for an essay right now but I'm still going to write something. Duh.






Tonight (12-07-12)

Looking at these made me realize a few things, such as: I haven't had tea in a long time. Or worn tank tops. But those are both season things, not really indicative of me. There are others, too: I like having long hair. I mean, I like my hair right now but the layers are annoying. At least I know what I want now.

Objectively, the first picture is my favorite, but I think I like the person in the last one better. I think I do. This year has been good for me and I'll probably write a longer post on New Year's Eve talking about everything I did this year and stuff, as is customary, but right here I'll just say this. Change is good. Growth is good. New experiences are good. A lot can happen in a year. I look at the first picture and I look happy. Maybe I was. I know I wasn't depressed or anything, but sometimes it takes finding something better to realize what you were missing out on before. You know? I think that may be the case here. A lot of times I still feel like that girl, and that's okay. Just because you get stuck sometimes doesn't mean you're not ultimately moving forward.

P.S. Does anyone else find it really weird to like, see themselves? Sometimes when I look into a mirror I see my reflection and it's just so weird, because most of the time I just feel like my mind and thoughts and words but when I look into a mirror I realize that I am a body too and it's just so strange. I don't know. That probably doesn't make much sense. It just struck me as odd to be staring at a picture of myself wearing the same clothes that I'm wearing right now and to remember that that is the same person. Me. Weird.


  1. Your last paragraph makes perfect sense! I feel that way a lot. Especially because I don't talk much and tend to stay in the background. So I get ignored (I like it that way tho) and I feel like I'm just a mind, and my thoughts. Haha it's so weird! xx

  2. I find it weird to see my face. There's a ton of photos from the gig I went to last night, when we met the bass player & one of the support bands, and my face is crazy. It's strange to see that frozen moment, when my head is tilted upwards because BASS PLAYERS ARE TALL, OKAY? and so my face is at a weird angle and I'm mid-sentence and the photo is kinda blurred and basically it's not how I think I look. Does any of that make sense?

  3. Your last paragraph is so true. I just see people all day long that are not me, then I just look at myself and am like, "who is that even?" I wonder what I look like to others. If I could see myself all day long, it would make more sense.

  4. Okay, I didn't know ANYONE ELSE thought like I do about the looking into the mirror thing. Because I DO feel like my thoughts are what make me up.

  5. Whenever I look at myself in a mirror I think "wow who is that incredibly gorgeous person who I'm also sure is smart and wonderful and all around perfect?"
    It's so wonderful being modest.

  6. I always look into a mirror and wonder if other people see me the same way I see myself.

  7. Couldn't help grinning because you have no idea how many of those photos I have on photobooth from the last four years. The little changes are the best. "That's when I skinned the back of my hand" "That's the outfit I wore to the city"
    "That's the 'I'll be okay' photo I sent my friend when I was sick for weeks and downing caffeine and pain killers to make it to art class".
    I love your eyes. And I'm so glad you like the person the girl is better in the last picture.

  8. I'm sorry, but wow, you don't look 16 to me! You look younger, but thats ok... When you're 30 you'll look younger too and thats what everyong wants, right? Anyway, I'm 20 and no one ever believes me when I say I am. I'm constantly having to show my ID just to buy cold meds **hangs head**. I just keeping telling myself that whole 30 thing and try and move on.


Hey, you. Be nice.