Friday, July 26, 2013

the thing about leaving

So, I'm going to Seattle & the Pacific Northwest tomorrow. I'll be back soon enough. But if there's one thing I've learned about traveling, about my feelings on traveling, it's this:

You think you're so ready to leave...right up until it's time to leave. Then it hits you that you're going to be gone, and that life is going to go on without you. You start thinking about everything you're going to miss and your empty suitcase just sits there, taunting you. The reason you don't want to leave isn't 'cause you don't want to go wherever you're going. That has nothing to do with it. It's because you know everything will be different when you get back. It's the truth; it's unavoidable. Time passes and when time passes, things change. Maybe it's only a week, ten days, but it's still going to be different.

You tell yourself to think of all the wonderful sights and adventures and people ahead. You're still excited but it doesn't cancel out the hesitation. The feelings are not mutually exclusive; they exist together, cohabitants of your mind. You want to leave, but you don't. You don't want to leave, but you will.

It's how it always happens.

You get a strange feeling when you’re about to leave a place. Like you’ll not only miss the people you love but you’ll miss the person you are now at this time and this place, because you’ll never be this way ever again.” (Azar Nafizi)


  1. i was gone for two months. i came back. nothing was different, but everything changed. i can't explain it, but there it was. plain as day. it felt... so surreal. like, when you leave, the part of you that belongs stays. and then when you come back, you don't feel like you're properly back until you do something that's your normal routine. and even THAT takes some getting used to. i know you know how it feels, so i won't try to explain. but the point is, i don't like leaving. and coming home, it's delicious. but it tastes different after being gone so long.

    1. I love that last line: "coming home, it's delicious. but it tastes different after being gone so long." well-put, and what's more, very true. love hearing your thoughts.

  2. dude, i love Seattle. :)

    and leaving home is always so exciting and thrilling for me, I've never noticed how hard it is, but I've spent the last 7 weeks away from home and am planning to be away at least several more weeks, (the longest I had ever done before was 1 week,) and i'm kinda scared about going home. Because it's scary to be away from your family and friends and life for so long. i mean, my littlest brother (17 mo.) is talking and running around now. and i've missed so much...

    anyway, just wanted to say that I loved this post, and you are so inspiring, and i mean that for real. i'm not just saying that 'cause people say that in comments. :) you truly inspire me!

  3. love your words as always. your blog is greatgreatgreat.

  4. Hope you enjoyed your time in Portland! It's hard to leave home behind, but leaving always makes you appreciate it more when you get back. It's healthy. Hope the college-searching is going smoothly!


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