things

I'm always moderately pleased with myself when I manage to come up with concise yet eloquent post titles in a timely manner. I think I've really outdone myself this time. I'm sure you all agree.

Let's talk about things I've done since we last visited! It will be like catching up with an old friend! Except I am a mere child so I don't have any 'old' friends, only old relatives and I'm not in the mood to go through all that "you have grown so much!" stuff. Yeah, I know I'm tall. Does it threaten you? Because I feel threatened by people who are taller than me. Feeling short is one of the worst feelings. It's right up there with loneliness and guilt.

Okay, well, on Friday I made these chipotle grilled tofu tostadas for dinner and I did it pretty much all by myself which made me proud. But anyway they were delicious and spicy and it would be a lot more convincing if I had pictures, but I haven't been taking many pictures lately.

Saturday I actually hung out with some of my friends (I know, right?) and we went to the Cheesecake Factory for cheesecake. I've never actually been there, but it was pretty fancy. I mean, like, compared to Sonic. Anyway, cheesecake was delicious and bread is free and it was fun to see people before I leave.

Also, I saw Moonrise Kingdom with my dad on Father's Day and it was really beautiful and I want to live there, okay.

I went to the library today but I only managed to find three books, one of which I've already read, so that was disappointing. Then I came home and read through someone's entire Twitter feed (not that that's the first time I've ever done that...). Wow, I'm like exactly what people hate about my generation, aren't I?

I also visited H-E-B for the third time in the past week, which is way more than I have been in the entire past year, no joke. I have found so many interesting things about grocery stores that I could probably write a whole post on it. Maybe I will...

On Wednesday, I leave for Spaaaaaaiiin. Eleven hours in a plane, here I come! Holla. I'm pretty excited as it will be my first trip to Europe in more than ten years (so basically the first one I remember), although I must admit the idea of being without a computer for ten days makes me slightly apprehensive. Whatevs; I'll deal. Y'all don't have too much fun without me, ya hear?

...And that's what you missed on Glee.

Wow, this was a really awful post; I'm sorry. Leaving you now. See you when I get home!*

*Unless I decide to schedule a post or two. Which I might. Depending on my level of motivation. Never can tell with these things.

nothing much, you?

Heyyyyy. What's up? I don't know, that just seems like an appropriate beginning to a post. What's up with you? You can answer that. What's up with me? Nothing much. Well, okay, if you really want to know, I will tell you. Jeez.

I woke up before seven this morning to babysit. I got $10, but I wasn't even sure if it was worth it to wake up so early. My sleeping schedule has been pretty consistently waking up after 11, so this was kind of a shock. In fact, I had to take a nap when I got home.

Other than that, I've started doing driver's ed. It's the "parent-taught" kind which really means I just sit and read some jank PDF files that tell me what a stop sign is for and then answer some fill-in-the-blank worksheets about it. It kind of makes me want to kill myself, but you know, things have been worse.

Now I am watching My So-Called Life and chillin' so all is well. (Except actually this Hulu buffering is the worst known to mankind and we're all out of Goldfish and my mom keeps trying to make me go to bed when I clearly do not want to go to bed! But besides that.)

I love summer.

castle hill

It took me about fifteen years of wishing I was somewhere else for me to realize that where I live is pretty amazing. Yeah, it can get kinda hot, but it has places like Castle Hill, this lot that has turned into a treasure trove of graffiti that looks out onto the city. I went down there Friday evening with some friends to take pictures. 

Afterwards: Peanut butter and chocolate pudding and cake (in a cup) from Whole Foods. Also vegan. Perfection.

motivation

I have such a problem with motivation that even when it comes to writing a post about it, I just can't bring myself to do it without a million breaks for procrastination and second-guessing all my arguments umpteen times. In fact, I have a problem motivating myself when it comes to pretty much everything. I have so much I want to do, but I can't seem to get off my butt and actually do it. It's bad because I know that if I only put more effort into these things -- school, relationships, hobbies, everything, really -- I would yield better results. I want it to happen, but I don't want to actually do it. What's stopping me? I don't know if it's because a) I'm too scared of what might happen if I tried, b) I'm just pure lazy, c) I inherently don't care enough to bother (or, alternatively, I've convinced myself it's not important and so I subsequently don't care), or some mix of those. Anyway, I guess it doesn't really matter the reason for my being this way as much as the fact that I am, and I wish I weren't.

I need to make myself do the things I said I would: go running, cook that meal, practice guitar more, be more open, try new things. It's so easy just to spend day after day moping about the house but after a while I start to want something a little more fulfilling. And I mean, I say that, but nothing ever changes. How does one go about motivating oneself? How do you finally put your foot down and stop making excuses and force yourself to take the first step? And does anyone else even have this problem, because it seems like everyone else my age is taking college classes or has a job or an internship or a super-active social life or at least some sort of lead on what they are going to be doing with their life and I...don't?

I'd like for this to be some sort of resolution, that I am writing this and then I am going to do my best to improve myself! But I don't know if that's going to happen. It's certainly not going to happen overnight. It might take a lifetime of just saying 'yes' to things to doing things that might be a little nerve-wracking at first, to focusing on the reward in order to make it through the tough parts, to just trying things and failing sometimes but not caring as long as I'm doing something. I don't know. I have to hold myself accountable somehow, and that's almost harder than having to hold other people accountable, because it's easier to convince yourself and trick yourself and make excuses.

I'm not super ambitious -- I don't want to change the world or be disgustingly rich or even wildly successful at anything. I just want to be happy. And I know that I feel happier when I have accomplished something, however small.

santa monica pier

So, I finally got my pictures back from my spring break trip to California. It's only been, like, three months! 

Classic L.A.

It was lovely, but I didn't get to go swimming in the ocean. Which was alright, because it was actually pretty cold. I'll post more later. Probably.

camping is intense

(And in tents. Okay, sorry, I totally stole Claudia's joke and probably made it less funny.)

This past weekend my family went camping with my sister's Girl Scout troop. I haven't been camping in a while. Overall, I had fun, but there are a few things I would change next time. Namely, I would remember to bring a pillow and I would not go camping in Texas in June when it's about a hundred degrees.

We camped near the lake. The sunset both nights was spectacular. It's just so much prettier with the water.

On Saturday we went ziplining. It was terrifying but also really exhilarating, hanging in the air, a few hundred feet above ground. There were five different segments, I guess, and right before I would always get so nervous but the actual zipping was so fast that I don't really remember thinking much of anything except for admiring the view. It was pretty incredible.

It wasn't all fun and games, though. The bathroom was probably half a mile away and it had this charming quality wherein there would be one stall that was out of order and the other stall would have this freaky spider and then you would be in that stall with the spider and then the lights would turn off. Bugs are probably the worst thing about nature, to be honest. The only thing scarier than noticing a bug on the inside of your closed tent is looking again and not seeing it there. *shudders*

So, that's what I did this weekend. I also read Tina Fey's book in its entirety one afternoon. Only I picked it up in the middle, read until the end, and then started back at the beginning.

I can't begin to explain why I do the things I do.

'tis the season of spontaneity

Yeah, about that. So far the most exciting things I've done in my (two days of) summer are:
-dropped off a roll of film at Walgreens to get developed (finally)
-watched Captain America
-spent far too much time on the computer
-got new shoes (pictured)
-watched The Office
-caught up on my sleep debt

Oh, and by "the most exciting things" I mean "the only things."

I'm about to leave to go camping for the weekend, though, so that should be a bit more...interesting. I'll be back in a few days. That is, if I survive ziplining and bears and no wi-fi. I might not.