instagramin'

Here are some Instagram pictures from the past week or so. You know, the regulars. Selfie, cat, camel (...what?). Anyway, it's been a good week, if tiring. I have a lot of homework and I haven't slept past six since Sunday. I had another meet this morning and while my time was actually a bit slower than last week (it was a lot hotter and the course was different~), I was able to pass a few people so that was a good feeling. Also while I was running in the woods I saw a squirrel running up a tree with an entire corn on the cob in its mouth. So that was fun.

I'm going to shower and then sleep forever. Over and out.

p.s. my instagram name is heykendall, in case you were curious.

i'm the queen of nothing, i'm the king of the world

It's been a week full of ups and downs. Mostly ups, really, but a few downs.

kinda unfocused, but that's my new haircut for those of y'all who haven't yet seen

Thursday was our first late start of the year and so I went out to breakfast with some friends which was nice. I had my favorite meal of gingerbread pancakes with chocolate chips and bananas and quickly became so stuffed that I had to finish the rest for lunch. Also my friend drove me to school for the first time and I didn't die so that's worth noting! That day was just peppered with nice things like getting to sleep in and waving at people and thunder/rain and I don't remember but it was good.

Then Friday was pretty mediocre which I kind of expected because after a really good day usually comes a day that's not so great. It just dragged on. That evening was the cross country pasta party which was really hardcore and by that I mean at one point there was a large crowd gathered around a chess game. Hahahahaha get crunk. (That was for Claudia's benefit.) Yeah but there was pasta and salad (to be ~healthy~) and cake (which I passed on because I'd already had two pieces of cake at school -- Cake Club, wooo).

Saturday morning I woke up at 5:30 for my first cross country meet. And yeah, that was interesting. See, I was supposed to run JV. It was only going to be 2 miles, which was manageable. But that's not what happened. Due to other people being gone and my not wanting to be the only girl from my school on JV and  deciding to just get it out of the way first thing, I ended up running varsity. For my very first race ever. Let me tell you, I kind of wanted it to be over before it even started. It was pretty bad. I lagged behind a lot and I realized that I liked the part in the woods better than the part where people were watching because everyone was cheering you on and maybe it's supposed to be nice but it just feels kind of condescending when you're in last place, like, 'Oh good work sweetie, here's a 'you tried' sticker, I'm just glad that's not me'. Other people made me feel weird for thinking that, I don't know. But that's just with strangers; I don't mind it if it's people who actually know me, like my teammates, because that feels more genuine and I really do appreciate that. Anyway, after it was over, I remarked to my friend, "I don't think I've ever run a 5K before." And so all things considered my time wasn't all that bad for my first ever meet and my first ever 5K.

I enjoyed being finished with running and just cheering on the guys, though. I should've been a cheerleader, dangit. I could have some real potential there.

On a semi-related note, I kind of miss soccer. My team sort of disintegrated after last season and this is the first time in a while that I'm not playing. It feels kind of weird; not necessarily the not playing it, but the not being a part of that team. Now I have cross country, which is good I guess. I really like being on a team. It just makes working out a lot better, and you have a variety of different people with whom to interact, who are often different than the people you're normally friends with. Maybe I'm thinking too much into it, but yeah. It's nice.

Anyway, after that I had to go shopping to get my friend a birthday present and while I was doing that I saw a camel, just like on the street, giving rides I guess? It was strange. I went to my friend's birthday party and it was fun times. I didn't swim but there was apple pie and ice cream and lots and lots of laughing, oh my goodness. I was pretty sassy that day.

Then I came home and accidentally fell asleep for about an hour before my mom woke me up and I just went to bed for real at 8. I didn't even watch Doctor Who, I was so tired. I just hit the hay. Sleep, y'all, it's a wonderful thing. I got about 12 hours last night.

This morning I woke up and watched the Doctor Who from last night and then bummed around all day, sort of half-doing homework, half-...not. It rained all day today, which was lovely. I love it when it rains non-stop and I don't have to do anything and can just lay around in pajamas. It's bliss.

Now I really better go finish my Physics homework. Blehh. Hope you all had a lovely weekend and have a lovely week!

love and other dumb things

I'm tired of people telling other people that they love them when they don't really mean it.

No, girl who sits behind me in Stats, you don't love me. I don't even know your name. You are grateful that I turned in your homework for you so you didn't have to get up, but you don't love me. I'm not trying to be harsh or whatever, but I am fairly certain you don't truly care about me. I know what you really meant, and I'm not offended by that, but sometimes I wish people wouldn't be so flippant with that phrase.

Don't tell me you love me if you don't mean it. Don't say something if you can't prove it. Those three words don't mean anything if you don't back them up. If you say you love someone, you're saying that you care about them, that you like to be around them, that you'll talk to them about silly things and serious things, that you'll cheer them up when they're sad, laugh with them when they're not, etc. etc. etc.  

If you say something like that, of that caliber, and your actions don't match up, it can be misleading and confusing and disappointing. With this random classmate, I know it's just something she said offhandedly and I don't really care. But there are times when it does matter and it sucks when someone says they love you but they just brush you off when you try to talk to them.

Personally, I'm very conservative with my "I love you's", maybe to a fault. It's kind of hard for me to say "I love you", because it means a lot to me. It's easy for me to say I hate people, jokingly, of course, because I really don't hate anyone, but with love I might actually mean it and that's what scares me.

I tell my parents I love them because I am not only appreciative of all they do for me but also feel like we mutually care about each other. I tell my close friends I love them -- maybe not a lot, but I think they know. There are other people I may or may not love, depending on the definition or the day. There are people I for sure think are awesome and I wish I could tell them, because I firmly believe everyone deserves to know when they are loved (truly), but like I said, it's not that easy. It's almost easier just to show them in other ways, than to let those three potent syllables slip out of my mouth.

I don't know. Saying "I love you" should just sort of seal the deal. You should know, when someone loves you, before they tell you. Saying it just solidifies it.