happy monday (is not an oxymoron)

Today, for the first time in what seems like forever, the temperature dipped down into the 50s. I headed out to the track at six a.m. with my arms shivering and teeth chattering. Lesson learned -- tomorrow I will bring a jacket. Because, as someone put it, "anything below 70 is sweater weather".

It warmed up to the nineties by the afternoon, but I'm hoping the cool front will stay a bit. As uncomfortable as the cold can be, anything is a welcome respite after weeks of 100 degree weather. It means autumn is settling in. I love the arrival of new seasons because it's the most consistent and predictable kind of change. After being without something for nearly a year, whether it's cold weather or flip flops and shorts or being able to sing Christmas carols without being looked at like a crazy person, you start to crave it again, even if you get tired of it a few months later.

In other news...there isn't much other news, to be honest. Um, I got my hair cut last Thursday. It's just below my shoulders -- the shortest it's been in a long time -- but it's much more manageable this length. Uhh...school... I don't want to speak too prematurely and have my words come back and bite me, but so far I'm liking junior year better than sophomore year and a lot better than freshman year. I don't even remember much of freshman year and that's probably because it wasn't that memorable at all. Last year was better, but I hope this year will be better still. I feel like I have things figured out a little more and I definitely feel more comfortable there. I'm a bit more involved and a bit more confident and it doesn't hurt that my classes aren't killing me (yet).

I wish I had something more interesting to say, but that's life and that's it. I suppose spending all day in the same place, doing roughly the same things, day after day, doesn't lend itself to many exciting stories.

I'm going to have to get more creative.

Not now, though. Now I think I'm going to go read.

dear you,

Today, when you said that you were tired of being sad, I wanted to say, I'm tired of you being sad, too, so chin up, buttercup. I wanted to say, there are so many things to be happy about in this world! I wanted to say, have you ever thought about how amazing it is just to be human -- not to be a rock or a grain of sand or a single cell organism, but a human -- a living, breathing human being, today, right now, on planet Earth? Don't you know what a miracle that is -- what a miracle you are? Why would you ever want to waste that by being sad?

Maybe it's because life is relatively manageable right now, or maybe it's because I've just gotten better at managing it and taking everything in stride instead of freaking out, but I'm pretty happy most of the time. So it hurts me to see other people hurting. I want to make it better, but at the same time, I'm not quite sure how. I always mean to say something: Don't hate yourself. You deserve happiness. I don't know if I love you, but trust me when I say that someone does.

But those are just words. Just silly little words, and they always catch in my throat, and you never quite look at me at the right time, and well, it just never happens.

There are so many things I wish I could tell you, but I also know that sadness can be quite irrational and hard to control, so maybe it's all futile anyway. After all, you can't ever save people. You can only love them. And so maybe all I can really do -- better than any lectures or advice, however well-intentioned -- is just to let you know that you are loved.

love, me

(The crux of this was written a while ago, with a few different people in mind.)

extremely tired and incredibly sore

(a novel about my first week of junior year)

Well, I have officially survived my first week as an upperclassman! Not that I ever, you know, thought I wouldn't, but it's been a long week. The days have actually passed fairly quickly, but at the same time it seems like Sunday was eons ago.

For one thing, cross country practice has started. It's my first time on the team (actually, it's the first time I've ever been on any school team) so I was a little (a lot) nervous at first, but everyone is nice and stuff and I think it's going to be alright. We have to be there promptly at 5:50 AM, though, so we don't die of heatstroke. (Instead, we'll die of exhaustion.) JK it's not really that bad. It's only 3-4 days a week and I just have to try to go to bed a little earlier so I'm not a zombie, which hasn't been a problem yet. I am incredibly sore, though. Everywhere. The other day, I sneezed and a wave of pain hit my stomach. I do feel slightly better now. I guess that pain is a good thing because it means I'm actually working out...

And then there are the classes. I'm in 5 AP classes this year (Statistics, U.S. History, Psychology, and English, and Human Geography next semester) and one Pre-AP (Spanish). The looming threat of the AP test is slightly terrifying but other than that the classes themselves aren't awful (yet). We did an experiment in Stats today that involved taste-testing brownies, for instance. That sort of thing I can go along with. My other classes are generally less stressful: Painting, and Health, which is an online course and once I complete it, that's basically a free period. If I can just stay on top of all of that (and guitar, and NHS, and "social things", and stuff I actually want to do!!), I'll be in good shape.

Tonight is our first football game of the season and the spirited pep rally somehow convinced me that, despite my overall exhaustion, it would be a good idea to go. So I have that to look forward to tonight! I'll have all of tomorrow to stay home and watch TV, anyway. (Doctor Who comes back!)

Hope y'all had a great week and have an even better weekend!