please excuse my banal analogies

from one minute...

...to the next.

Some people's lives are like a fairytale or a blockbuster movie or a classic coming of age novel.

Mine is more like a low-budget comedy sitcom that was canceled after the first season. By that I mean, it's not very exciting, but it's often laughably bad. Sometimes, it's surprisingly beautiful.

Mostly, it's just weird.

the quiet one

Shoot, I guess I should post or something. Oh, I know! Here's something I wrote for my English class that actually received a decent grade. With some edits.

I am the quiet one. I’ve always been the quiet one. It’s what teachers say with a well-intentioned smile. It’s what my friends call me, only half-jokingly. It’s what strangers, the kind ones, must think of me when everyone else is socializing and I’m just sitting back, staring at my cuticles. 

My friend and I were talking recently when she joked that I could become mute and no one would notice for a week. This is a bit of an exaggeration, but it wouldn’t have been funny if it wasn’t rooted in truth. And the truth is, I am quiet.

It stems from shyness, from being afraid. I’m not quiet because I don’t like people. On the contrary, I like them so much I’m afraid of saying the wrong thing. And, adding on to that, small talk isn’t my thing. I prefer not to talk unless I have something to say. I’d rather listen than speak, and I’d rather sit by myself than get up to join a group of people I don’t know. I’m not just quiet. I’m shy. The two go hand in hand in my case.

It’s not that I want to be quiet. Out of all the traits out there, ‘quiet’ isn’t one you necessarily want to list on your resume. It’s not a bad thing, though, or at least it shouldn’t be. There’s nothing inherently wrong with not wanting to talk. There are plenty of times I find myself wishing everyone else would be a bit quieter. 

But the world, in case you hadn’t noticed, seems to favor extroversion. School depends heavily upon interaction. Group projects, presentations, class discussions are all things that make me tense and they are all things I am expected to participate in. School is not for the quiet, and neither, I’m told, is real life. 

It’s hard being quiet. The actual not talking part is beyond easy. It’s natural. It’s comfortable. But the implications of that not talking aren’t always great. Society tends to value those who are outspoken, confident, and brave. The ones who are friendly and talkative. As for those of us who prefer for whatever reason to keep to ourselves, we are the ones destined to be wallflowers.

That’s not, of course, to say there aren’t advantages to being quiet. For one thing, you get to continually surprise people. With some individuals, you know their entire life story before you even know their name, but quiet people are revealed more slowly, in layers. Maybe it’s weird, but I enjoy it when people look at me and say things like, “I didn’t know you played the guitar. That’s so cool!” Well, yeah, that’s because I don’t mention it, but thanks. 

I am quiet, but perhaps as a result of this, every little interaction means more to me. A smile, a wave, a quick question. It means a lot to me when people take the time to talk to me. I may not talk a lot, but when I do, it’s more significant. 

There are times, every day, when I wish I was louder, when I wish I talked more. If this was something I could change easily, believe me, I would. There are so many things I wish I could say that pile in my brain. Things I could say, things I would say, if only I had the guts. Just because I don’t initiative a conversation with someone doesn’t mean I don’t want to. 

Other people are defined by other adjectives. They’re pretty, loud, funny, obnoxious, smart...all manner of words. And me, I’m quiet.

planet earth is a death trap.

I thought I'd start April off right; that is, with a blog post! I'm not going to do to BEDA (maybe in August), but I will I do BALIAALALMTIDIM. That stands for Blog A Lot In April, At Least A Lot More Than I Did In March. (I made it up. Aren't I clever.)

Today my friend Caitlin and I had to venture into a park to collect data for our Planet Earth class. I kind of miss Great Ideas, which we had last semester, because during it we only had to go in the woods ONCE. For this class, we have already been like four times. The last time was during a field trip on Thursday, which was enjoyable because I saw two snakes, some fish, cardinals and other birds, a bajillion daddy long legs, and a raccoon in a dumpster! That part was fun, but my favorite part was probably lunch which my classmates turned into 'let's ask the teacher personal questions' time. I learned lots of interesting tidbits from this, but above all, I learned never be a high school teacher because then your students will film you dancing to DDR and put it on Facebook and even the mom who is the chaperone will have seen it.

Where was I? Oh yeah, today. We had to lay down a 50 meter transect and then record all the plants that had overhang along it. (Twice.) This will be easy, I thought. But easy it was not! It was 85 degrees and sunny, but it felt about 100 degrees. Our park is so jank; it's so uneven and there aren't paths so we have to walk through the brush and also there are probably homeless people who live there. The first transect took forever because there were so many freaking plants, and they all look the same, okay, green and leafy, but then the second one we got smart and went somewhere with only three trees. Pecan trees 4ever.

Conclusion: I like nature. But not analyzing it, just...letting it be.

So...that was my afternoon. Now I'm going to finish homework and then do stuff I actually want to do like watch Doctor Who and write things that rhyme. Okay, bye.

P.S. A random word of advice, garnered from my extensive life experience: WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT EAT THE DIRT FLAVORED JELLY BEAN FROM BERNIE BOTT'S EVERY FLAVORED BEANS. JUST...DON'T.