Okay, so...here's the thing: I honestly don't really know what to do with this blog anymore. I never thought I'd stop writing here, always imagined I'd continue for a long time and that this site would follow my life for years and years until at least I was an adult, whatever the hell that means. But now, increasingly, I just don't really know what to do.
It feels like most people have abandoned blogspot by now. So many of the blogs I used to read, so much of the community where I made friends years ago, seem to have been left, or transferred to some other site. I appear to be a part of this mass abandonment; whether because other people left first or for my own reasons, I do not know. Likely it is some combination. This is what happens when you grow up, after all.
This is a strange in-between summer, after graduation but before moving, true, but it's been weird for the past year or so. I haven't blogged nearly as much lately as I did when I was fifteen.
Now I'm eighteen, and a part of me feels like I should just leave this here as a monument to my adolescence -- some untouched, left behind relic of the past. Maybe I should move on -- but to what, I don't know.
There are so many things I can't explain. So many things I don't feel I have to explain.
I want to continue writing, but in what capacity? I'm on my tenth journal in the past three years which is good -- it is more than good, it is necessary -- but sometimes I still want to share my thoughts with other people. Maybe this is just a human compulsion. Maybe I've just been convinced that the only way something is valid is if other people validate it for me, which seems a bit of an arrogant, annoying way of thinking.
Well, I've come to no conclusion, but I still thought I should say something.
This is not a goodbye.
I've been thinking a lot about this too now that more and more people have stopped blogging. The way I see it is that if you still continue to enjoy writing on here every so often, then it doesn't really matter how few and far between your posts are. I blog for myself, mostly, for a way to look back on how I felt and what I was doing during these years, and the way I see it is that even if you don't post often, you're still going to enjoy looking back on those posts years from now. Little is better than nothing, isn't it? I donno, that wasn't very conclusive either I guess!
ReplyDeleteah, yes. I know the feeling. I love the fact that you wrote this down and shared it with us; the rawness of human emotion is always such a beautiful thing.
ReplyDeleteIt is true that the blogging community that was here a few years ago is definitely straggling away. It's sad, but I think it's just a crossroads in life. Some have transferred to new places, kept blogging, or left. And I don't think there's a wrong choice. It's just honestly what you want to do! Goodbyes are so hard, though. Especially saying goodbye to a blog.
ReplyDeleteI kind of know what you're talking about, and although my blog is a shit storm of angsty adolescent bullshit there's still something that makes me come back to it but I really enjoy reading your writing even though it's probably totally creepy that I do that (sorry) i love u
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