senior year

So, I've officially been a senior for a whole week now. In a word, it's weird. It's weird because it's different and no one prepared me for this.

Part of me is caught up in how different things are from how they were last year at this time, and another part of me is thinking about how different things will be a year from now. I guess the two feelings are connected in that it feels like everything's changing and I'm caught in the middle. I'm missing the seniors and having someone older to look up to and be entertained by. I'm missing a lot of things about last fall, actually, at least the way I perceive it now in retrospect, because it seemed so good then and now it's so, well, different. I can't think of a better word than that. It's senior year so I'm starting to get stressed out about college apps and the future and all the hard work that has to come before then. I have no idea where I'll be a year from now and that's kind of exciting and kind of terrifying.

So, yeah. It's weird.

It's my last year of high school, which in itself is crazy (where has the time gone?!?). Everything feels like a countdown but at the same time, life goes on. I can't spend every minute worrying because I'm still expected to go to classes and do work (ridiculous). This year I'm taking AP Environmental Science, AP European History, Creative Writing, AP English Lit, Painting, Advanced Mathematical Reasoning (basically like an alternative math class), and AP Gov (this semester, Econ next semester). And an off period, which is nice because on A days it means I'm done by 1 if we don't have advisory. My schedule isn't easy per se but the workload shouldn't be too crazy, either, and most of the classes seem interesting enough so far. That's good because I can't afford to get senioritis yet. 

To be honest, the first week back was kind of hard -- not terrible, because there were definitely some good moments, but like a lot of transitions, it was a bit rough getting back into it. Like I said before, it was just kind of a shock, but at times it felt like I was just slipping back into something I'd done a million times before. There were a few times I wondered why I was even there. It felt like I should have been done with high school already.

But this weekend has been good for me. It's like a chance for me to reclaim my footing after stumbling a bit the first week. I'm so thankful for it. Friday night we had our first football game. We played a team we usually lose to, and so I was expecting a fun but not spectacular game, but amazingly enough, we won. It made the nightmarish drive out to a small Texas town worth it. It was great to be back in the student section and now I have high hopes for the rest of the season (*cough cough* that we beat McCallum). The next morning we had our first cross-country meet. My time was not that great and there are a lot of things I could blame (the heat, the dust, the hills, getting 5 hours of sleep the night before, it's the first one so I'm still getting back into the swing of things, etc.) but when it comes down to it I just have to work harder. I have the rest of the season to improve so I hope I am able to do that. Besides running, it was fun. We went out to barbecue afterwards as a team and I wondered, per usual, why I was a vegetarian. Then that night I went to the UT football game with Caitlin. I haven't been to one in forever but it was cool to be there with almost 100,000 other people. It's definitely a different experience than high school games.

Yesterday I slept in and lazed about all day to make up for all the sporting activities of the previous 24 hours. Somehow it's September now. I think I'm okay with that. I know that as the days progress I will get more comfortable being a senior and all that.

Either way, it's going to be an interesting year.