one more week

Today in Spanish class we were supposed to be working on a review but Caitlin and I were really just listening to Ke$ha and Lady Gaga and I was literally almost crying listening to "The Edge of Glory" and I don't even really know why except that the end of the semester hath stolen my sanity and also it just gives me a lot of emotions...

Yesterday was 12/12/12 and in Stats my teacher asked us if we'd done anything interesting at 12:12 on 12/12/12 and no one really had except someone said at 12:12 AM they'd been working on their English paper and I was like oh! me too! (#lasaprobs?)

I haven't gotten much sleep lately and I'm probably sick and pretty much every song I listen to makes me want to cry because nostalgia. I have a bunch of stuff to do like an art paper to write (hahahaha) and a bajillion finals to study for that I'm going fail anyway and ahhhh I am still expected to act like a normal human being like no sorry I can't function as a normal human being right now. I can't do this punctuation thing either right now and it takes all my effort not to just use abbreviations in place of words.

Ugh. I ain't about that end of the semester life.

I don't want to just complain, though. Yeah, I'm pretty stressed and would rather lie in bed watching movies for 14 billion hours but I'm okay here. There are things keeping me tethered to reality, at least, you know, as much as possible. Things like going running, and listening to Christmas music, and finding the rest of a package of Skittles in your coat pocket (only a day old, don't worry). Things like building brains out of Playdoh in Psychology and pretty much completely failing (I told my friend what we did later: "Was yours a good model?" "No...our teacher told us it looked like a brain after drugs..."). Things like, yesterday in English we had a 1920s party inspired by the ones in "The Great Gatsby". We all had characters from that era or from the book to dress up as and I was Amelia Earhart. I think the best part was hearing Jordan Baker say to Zelda Fitzgerald, "Have you seen your raging drunkard of a husband?" and then turning to see F. Scott completely passed out in the corner clutching an empty bottle of wine. I know that feel, bro. No, not really, but I wish I could've taken a nap. He looked so peaceful.

And the end is in sight. One week from today, I'll be done with school. I'm going to celebrate my friend's birthday, and the end of the world, and I am going to relax and watch lots of movies I've been meaning to. I am going to go to Kansas City and see my cousins and celebrate Christmas the way it ought to be celebrated. And then I'm going to come home and it will be a new year and it will be good.

This is a dumb post but I wanted to procrastinate on my homework because lol that's how you create stressful situations, right?

various degrees of narcissism or, "photobooth"

So, I was looking through photos on my mom's computer tonight (Friday nights are fun, no kidding) and I may have accidentally found all of these from the past year or so and I may have accidentally posted them all on here because I am an obnoxious teenager with an inflated ego (I really don't know why it's such a big deal, though). No, but really, looking through old photos makes me quite introspective and stuff so of course I'm not going to post all these without writing some essay reflecting on the visible changes that such forms of documentation make so accessible, or something along those lines...I mean, c'mon, you know me. Actually, I'm not really in the mood for an essay right now but I'm still going to write something. Duh.

10-24-11

12-01-11

05-22-12

07-04-12

09-08-12

Tonight (12-07-12)

Looking at these made me realize a few things, such as: I haven't had tea in a long time. Or worn tank tops. But those are both season things, not really indicative of me. There are others, too: I like having long hair. I mean, I like my hair right now but the layers are annoying. At least I know what I want now.

Objectively, the first picture is my favorite, but I think I like the person in the last one better. I think I do. This year has been good for me and I'll probably write a longer post on New Year's Eve talking about everything I did this year and stuff, as is customary, but right here I'll just say this. Change is good. Growth is good. New experiences are good. A lot can happen in a year. I look at the first picture and I look happy. Maybe I was. I know I wasn't depressed or anything, but sometimes it takes finding something better to realize what you were missing out on before. You know? I think that may be the case here. A lot of times I still feel like that girl, and that's okay. Just because you get stuck sometimes doesn't mean you're not ultimately moving forward.

P.S. Does anyone else find it really weird to like, see themselves? Sometimes when I look into a mirror I see my reflection and it's just so weird, because most of the time I just feel like my mind and thoughts and words but when I look into a mirror I realize that I am a body too and it's just so strange. I don't know. That probably doesn't make much sense. It just struck me as odd to be staring at a picture of myself wearing the same clothes that I'm wearing right now and to remember that that is the same person. Me. Weird.

it's december again? what? wait, seriously?

I don't know what I'm going to do without my Delta (study hall) period next semester. I'm in here and I should be doing my Statistics homework or my Physics review or my English homework or my APUSH terms list (oh, the end of the semester!) but instead I'm trying to write a blog post. I say trying because I have no idea where this is going to end up. I wish I had some sort of clue about where I'm going but I don't. It's kind of like my life, ahahaha cute.

I had a good weekend. Saturday was quite productive in that I got up at 7:30 to go running, volunteered at my elementary school for an hour, did homework and drivers ed, went shopping and finally bought some more pants, and still had time in the evening for social endeavors. I went down to the Christmas tree lighting downtown with my family and some friends where we sang Christmas carols and strolled down Congress looking at the lights. Afterwards my friends and I went to a Christmas party which was interesting enough. I mean, I mostly just stood around the fire pit even though it was like 80 degrees and started watching "Love Actually" but only really got far enough to realize why it was rated R. Oh, and I ate some of those delicious sugar cookies that they have for every holiday and that are my favorite ever. That was good times. Sunday was more of a chill day but at youth group I ate an entire 2.5 serving box of holiday themed Junior Mints, so that was fun.

Now it's Tuesday and I'm at school supposed to be doing school-related things. Bleh. School is hard. We have 8 more days of school until finals week so now teachers are beginning to pile on assignments. It's almost that time of year when half the populace shows up in sweatpants and/or pajamas. I haven't succumbed to this yet but don't think I'm above it.

Hmm...I kind of want to go to track practice but I don't want to go alone because I'm dumb about things like this and the only person who I could count on has something pretty much every day after school. I'm always hesitant to start things though I slip into them easily enough and it doesn't take me long to get attached. It's just easier to do something when you have someone else with you, right? A part of me thinks I should just suck it up because there will always be things I have to do by myself, but the other more primal part is just like...no.

Okay, I'm looking at my Stats homework and does anybody want to help me? Losers, someone help me. I forgot everything we learned last class period because um it's Stats.

I'm going to go now. I'll hopefully try and post more this month but you know how that goes.