music festival times

Yesterday, I went to ACL, which stands for Austin City Limits, which is a big music festival that happens every year in town for all y'all non-natives without a clue. I went when I was in fifth grade, because you're free when you're 10 and under, but I haven't been since. A ton of people at school always go so I always hear about how great it is and whatever and this year I finally got a Friday pass for my birthday. I didn't go to school yesterday, because I mean, why bother, so my friend and I arrived at ACL around noonish. We first listened to Los Campesinos for a little bit, and they were good but I don't know many of their songs at all. Then we headed over to First Aid Kit, which I was really excited about.

They introduced themselves as "two Swedish sisters...from Sweden" and they both wore awesome dresses and they played all my favorite songs and even one of my favorite Simon & Garfunkel songs!

Ben Howard! We were pretty close up since my friend wanted to get there early, and I'm glad we did. I don't know a lot of his songs but he was so good. Also I'm pretty sure I heard someone scream out, "I want to have your children!" at one point so...that was interesting.

~interlude of milkshakes and long lines for the disgusting "bathrooms" and listening to a bit of Tegan and Sara from far away~

Then....Florence + the Machine! It was the greatest. She is the coolest person ever and I can't even really describe it. Just, uh, you should have been there. Seriously.

The Black Keys! Since they played at the same stage as Florence, we just stayed there and waited for like 2 hours. It was so crowded and uncomfortable -- literally so packed with people I could barely turn around --but whatever, I survived, and it was cool.

The disco ball came down during "Everlasting Light", and also during that song a lantern descended from the sky (?? I didn't really know what was going on?) right behind us and it smelled like smoke and then all these people were stomping on it to make sure that nothing caught on fire. So then I was like, "Well, thank goodness that wasn't an everlasting light," because I can never resist a good bad pun.

Well, that was my festival experience, although if you wanted to be more accurate, you'd have to mention the awful sunburn I got from the hot hot, blazing sun, and how sweaty and smelly everyone was by the end, and how my feet felt like falling off by the end of the night, and, you know, the random strangers who were definitely under the influence of various substances, offering vodka and acting generally inebriated (and also very excited). But it wouldn't really be a festival without all of that, would it? No, it most certainly would not. And I wouldn't change a thing.

hikes & home

This weekend felt like fall. It actually felt more like winter at some points, even. It got down to jacket-jeans-boots weather, though of course I was unprepared for this and fooled myself into thinking that wearing a shirt with three-quarters length sleeves was basically the equivalent of wearing a sweater. Yeah, no. This morning, though, I was more prepared with my fleece jacket and sweatpants over my running clothes. 

Anyway, I spent the weekend doing seasonal appropriate things like attending our school's football game which we won (well, that was Thursday but it felt like the weekend) and huddling under blankets at the cross country meet when I wasn't running and scarfing down doughnuts (can you believe I used to not like them?!) and doing lots of reading and drinking hot chocolate and going hiking a bit. I don't think I've given Texas enough credit. Yeah, it's not a typical autumnal picture like you find on Tumblr, with red and orange leaves lining a sidewalk path where a girl stands wearing an oversized hoodie and holding a Starbucks cup as she smiles to herself about the beauty of sweater weather, but it's still pretty, and more than that, it's home. I've found myself starting to appreciate my hometown a lot more lately. Maybe because it's starting to hit me that I don't have an infinite amount of time left here. Maybe because I feel like I finally have something that makes me want to stay, something tethering me here and something that makes me feel like this is right, this is where I belong. Or maybe because I've just pulled my head from out under a rock and finally realized how great it is. I mean, whatever. The heat sucks in the summer and other things suck sometimes, but overall, I'm just glad I live here, okay? It's home.

it's my specialty

I'm sitting here in Delta, my free period (basically), a fact that has instigated some serious thinking over things like how much of our future is determined by our own action and how much is outside of our control.

 

Making decisions is not my specialty; never has been. I am indecisive and ambivalent and all too eager to embrace the duality and expendability of human nature, as evidenced by my last post. I can't pick favorites and I can't make a strong affirmative statement without tacking some sort of caveat onto the end of it. I can't choose between two things, so very often what ends up happening is I choose nothing. I choose nothing, and so something is decided for me. I don't know, but I've been finding lately that I'd sure rather do something I chose and have it kind of suck than do something that was decided for me and have it really suck. But it's hard.

 

It's hard to know what the right thing to do is. I can equivocate until my mind explodes and I'll never be closer to a decision. What's right, what's wrong, what will end up being the best choice? I can't see the freaking future.

 

Should I just go with the flow and let whatever happens, happen, because obviously, it was meant to be, or should I get involved and mold my future with my own two hands and do anything to get what I want? What if I don't know what I want; what then?

 

Should I risk the comfortability of complacency for the possibility of greater things, or should I work hard for something even if it turns out it's completely wrong for me?

 

Is what's supposed to happen going to happen just by itself, is it completely determined by my own action (or inaction), or is it a mix of the two and you just have to know instinctually what to do?

 

Well, I don't know what to do, and I hate making decisions. What should I do?

 

Should I give up, or should I just keep chasing pavements?

 

Sometimes I think some sort of higher power knows what's best for me and while I thought about it differently before maybe they really did pick the best thing for me. Or maybe I'm just saying that because I can see lights at both ends of the tunnel but this one is just a little closer to me, a little easier to get to. Maybe it's entirely contingent on me and all the choices I have to make. I know it'll be okay, no matter what, but I want to know if there's going to be someway it will be better than okay. Stupidly hopeful humans.

 

I realize this is quite vague and all over the place. Well....that is my specialty.

 

You know what's also my specialty? Lists.

 

Things that have made me happy recently:

listening to 90s music in Painting + cross country: "OH MY GOSH NO guys you go AGAINST traffic not INTO IT!" (coach leaves for five minutes and half the team nearly gets run over) (not me, though, I know how to cross a street!!!) +  visiting my teacher from last year +  this beautimous weather (most of the time; it was a high of 91 today so) + texting my friend on the bus home + brownies

 

Things I'm looking forward to this month:

ACL festival + football games + cross-country district meet (we get to miss school....) + homecoming + homecoming/spirit week + Taylor Swift's new album (don't judge, she's the best) + Halloween + seeing The Perks of Being a Wallflower + taking more pictures + hiking + sleepovers?

 

May it be a month of good decisions, or at least just some decisions. I think it'll be a good one.