Monday, April 30, 2012

end of the month reflection

Well, this is the last post of BEDA. I didn't blog every day, but I blogged 25 26 times, which is a whole lot more than my usual. It was hard at times to come up with something to say, but ultimately it was pretty fun and I appreciate having all those posts to look back on.

I think all those crazy posts helped me realize something about why I blog. It's nice to get followers, but I have a more important objective, which is simply to document my life. Other people may not find the mundane details of my day interesting, but these are small things I'd like to look back on and remember. My blog is a place I can keep all these thoughts and memories I have that make up who I am at that moment and share them with anyone who cares. That's all my blog is. That's all I want it to be.

I'm not going to blog quite as often anymore, but hopefully a bit more regularly than I did before. Face it: my blog is never going to be very quality, but hopefully now that I'm posting less frequently, they'll be longer and less boring/scatterbrained. I make no promises, though, because I too often abandon and contradict them. That's rule #1. The Doctor lies.

Okay? Okay.

Happy end of April.

Sunday, April 29, 2012

the calm before the storm

Today was awesome because after, what, seven years? -- I have finally completed my collection of Harry Potter books. For some reason I never bought the third one before but now I can say I have rectified that situation. I also got The Great Gatsby and a Sylvia Plath poetry collection among other things so life is good.

I love Sundays, but they're like the calm before the storm. I get to relax, but I can never feel 100% at ease because I'm always aware that tomorrow I'll be back in school and doing homework and generally feeling stressed. It's doubly like that right now because with only a month left of school, everything is going to get harder before it gets easier. I'm bracing myself for an onslaught of projects and studying for finals and I'm not really excited about that at all. I'm not even really excited for summer, honestly, because that means another year will have gone by too quickly and I don't have that many plans yet. I just want to live in this moment, reading and eating dinner with my family and taking a well-deserved nap, and not worry about everything else.

On a lighter note, you guys need to stop me before I get addicted to any more TV shows. It's getting embarrassing. If I ever mention wanting to start watching another one, just leave me vaguely threatening comments. And don't forget to mention it was my idea, or I might get offended. Anyway, I'm off to watch The Office.

Friday, April 27, 2012

my life is still incredibly exciting

Have you ever wondered what it's like to be an American high school student? No? Well, I'm going to tell you anyway. At least, my version. Please don't fall asleep.
  • Had the Social Studies TAKS test which took me less than an hour to complete
  • Read an entire Gossip Girl book
  • Ate two Tootsie Pops
  • Discovered Gossip Girl is even funnier when read aloud
  • Took a very uncomfortable nap with my head on the desk
  • Lunchtime, hallelujah
  • During Planet Earth, we just watched Survivor Man and it's really disturbing when he kills a bird but also really funny? We had to rewind it to watch it again because he just like hits it and then carries it away and it's one of those thing where you don't know whether to laugh or cry
  • My friend brought cookies (finally!) and I ate like five and a half of them 
  • In art class it was basically a free day so I took the opportunity to visit my friends' Spanish class and chill out on the couch with them and their teacher didn't even notice I was in there. What a rebel.
  • After school some friends and I walked to this store called the Fashion Outlet. It's as great as it sounds. 
  • Went to Sonic! Fries, tater tots, slushies, oh my.
  • Walked like all around the freaking school because the back was locked; probably burned off at least some of those cookies
  • School art show (w/ more food, oh lord)
  • Came home, felt like throwing up from all the food
  • I'm tired and I'm going to watch Merlin because that's the show I started watching (I give up being mysterious). I blame my friend Elizabeth for her impeccable taste in television, okay?
How's life?

Thursday, April 26, 2012

there's always something to laugh about

Today involved standardized testing all morning, getting locked out of my house in 92 degree heat, and not feeling too well overall. It was the sort of day that normally would reduce me to writing angry feminist rants dissecting my ignorant classmates' comments, or posts about how all I want in life is a milkshake (trufax).

But after some good laughs over the following: people tripping during a soccer scrimmage (always a good one), Robert Pattinson interviews (ditto), the strange antics of concert goers (my friend told me about some hilariously intoxicated Alaskans and also people falling on people's heads -- so bummed I missed that) and things like dogs eating rent money, I feel much better.

Some days I may hate everything, but that doesn't mean I can't laugh about it.

Here, speaking of comedies.


Got anything funny to share?

Wednesday, April 25, 2012


i. Haikus are easy:
just take some words, split them up,
voila, poetry

ii. Spilled paint on the floor,
strange music, finger-painting,
oh, my drawing class

iii. I feel like I should
be doing something worthwhile,
something else, not this

iv. asdfghjk
is how I feel a lot
(the more you know)

v. Zebra cakes are good
Who cares about fat content?
Thank you, Caitlin dear

vi. TAKS test tomorrow
I don't even know which one
That's how much I care

vii. You are not alone
(Well, you might be, but it's not
as bad as you think)

viii. Time slips by quickly
How is it already 9:30?
Adieu, au revoir, bye.

P.S. It has been brought to my attention that maybe some of them aren't exactly 5-7-5 even though I counted like sixty bajillion times but whatever, I took some artistic freedom so deal with it.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

by the window

Hi. I don't want to blog today. So I'm just going to show you some pictures and then run away to watch the newest television show of my choice. I'll be wordier tomorrow. Bye!

Monday, April 23, 2012

i have sophisticated taste in literature

Sometimes, all that Kafka and Camus we read in school really gets to me and I just need some junk food for my brain, you know? I have found the perfect solution in Gossip Girl. My friend lent me the first few books and I've slowly been making my way through it. Here are some choice quotes from the first book that I feel most exemplify the excellence of this series. I purposefully omitted all the inappropriate ones, because otherwise this list would be way too long. I have also provided for your pleasure some intelligent commentary from yours truly.

"He couldn't help looking hot, he was just born that way. Poor guy." That must really be hard.

"Suddenly Blair was starving, and she knew just what she wanted: A hot dog. She wanted one right now--a steaming hot Sabrette hot dog with mustard and ketchup and onions and sauerkraut--and she was going to eat it in three bites and then burp in her mother's face." Wait...what?

"When is dinner going to be ready? Blair wondered, tuning out her friends' ridiculous speculations." A girl after my own heart.

"There was a box of orange Tic Tacs in her pocket with only one Tic Tac left. Serena fished the TicTac out and put it on her tongue, but she was so worried about her future, she could barely taste it." WHAT SERENA NO I don't understand.

"What is a peregrine falcon anyway? Is it like a woodpecker?" Exactly.

This book is so quality, you guys. I can't wait for the next one: All I Want Is Everything. I can already relate to it.

P.S. Sometimes even I can't tell when I'm being serious.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

rainbow pigeons

Today has been fairly productive. I made peanut butter cookies (and ate like five of them) and worked on my art project for much of the afternoon. I also went to church and youth group and actually talked to people there. Huzzah.

It's obviously still far from being done but I've worked more this weekend than I have the past two weeks in art class. Kind of regretting all those periods spent aimlessly doodling...just a little bit.

Good night.

Saturday, April 21, 2012

weekend so far

So today I tweeted something about how weird it is being a person and then someone, username Eggplant, tweets back saying it's weirder being an eggplant. That...that is why it's weird.

So, um, anyway.

Coffeehouse last night? Was fun. It's my school's version of a talent show, although it's not a competition, just a bunch of music and socializing. Despite my late arrival, it was well worth it for the crowd-surfing and head-banging and fangirl-screaming that ensued. And by that, I mean laughing at the people who were doing those things. I don't crowd-surf, guys. Not my thing. But, in all seriousness, it's so wonderful seeing people doing something they genuinely love. That's one of my favorite parts about going to things like that.

Then today I went to this Bengali festival thing, mostly for the food, because it's similar to Indian food, and Indian food is my favorite ever (except maybe Italian). I took some pictures but I don't really like how any of them turned out. I haven't taken a lot of pictures lately. I guess I've just been busy and no longer feel compelled to photograph something just for the sake of it. I'm just going through an uninspired phase. Hopefully it will pass soon.

I need to go work on my art project but this pigeon I'm drawing looks really fat and misshapen and it's not going well. I think I'm going to watch Sherlock instead. Speaking of that, whereabouts on the internet could one find Season 2 of that show? It comes on TV here in America May 6th but I'm not partial to watching TV on the TV and I don't think I'll want to wait that long, either. Thanks!

Yay for a lazy weekend without much homework or soccer games.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

run-on sentences

credit: Mikko Kuorinki
Today I was chatting with my friend who was across the room, leaving her threatening messages so that she would bring me cookies, and then my computer just up and died, so I spent the second half of a class period literally just cutting pieces of paper and people were looking at me weird and laughing and my teacher asked if it was for an art project and I said yes and then I said no because I don't actually like to lie, although, man, it could have been a fine work of art, only when I went to throw it all away, paper fell all over the floor and the bell rang before I could clean it all up and my teacher said he would clean it up but then I felt guilty and so I guess the moral of the story is my talents are cutting paper and making messes and feeling bad about it and sometimes making people laugh but usually inadvertently.

And also when I got home I laid down on my bed for like one minute and then somehow fell asleep and woke a while later so disoriented and it was like part of my life had disappeared, like I was being possessed or something and it's so jarring.

filed under: what even is my life like I have no idea anymore BEDA has broken me or something

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

more collected thoughts re: sorting

In which I apply entirely too much meaning to simple personality quizzes (again).

I'm still coming to terms with the fact that I am a Hufflepuff. It's kind of hard. Today, my friend and I were talking about Hufflepuffs and someone said, "Isn't that where all the losers go?" I was like, "Thanks," and she was like, "But Kendall, why aren't you in Ravenclaw?" Apparently, despite my mediocre grades, I have somehow been attached the persona of a smart, studious child. It might just be left over from my middle school days, when such a description was more accurate, but it's still strange for me to be referred to as such when my reality is quite different.

I still identify with aspects of Ravenclaw and Slytherin, but I'm starting to consider myself in a new way, as a Hufflepuff. For instance, Hufflepuffs are trustworthy and loyal. This is definitely true of me. I am good at keeping secrets because I have to be; I keep all of my own. I am also quite loyal to the things and people I love; I hate to see them insulted; and it's hard for me to let go of them.

Another important trait is modesty. All the other houses have something they're good at, something they're proud of, but we don't show off as much. I've always been modest; I joke that the only thing I brag about is how I never brag, and even that makes me uncomfortable. Sometimes I feel as though I'm not truly humble; it's just that I have nothing of which to be proud. Maybe that's the same thing. Regardless of whether this is true, I definitely relate to this aspect.

Finally, Hufflepuffs are known for being kind. I don't think I'm always the kindest person, but I would definitely like to be, and as the sorting test is purely hypothetical, maybe that translated? Anyway, I'm not always nice but I am caring. I care a lot but I struggle to show it. I love the world a great deal, and I believe there is some good in everything. No matter how despairing I am at one moment, I will never stop believing that. I hesitate to call myself an optimist, because there are times when I let that philosophy get clouded by my own worries and troubles, but I would say that for the most part, I try to let that branch of thought guide me. It certainly seems better than the alternative. Also, Hufflepuffs are just and accepting. We don't discriminate. Check, check, check.

I would rather be a good person than a great person, and I would rather make a few people happy than be famous for something I have done. It doesn't mean I lack intellect or ambition; it just means that I choose to focus my energy on other things, on what I feel is more important. Other people may care about grades or money or whatever, but I find the true meaning of success elsewhere. That seems to me a very Hufflepuff-ish trait.

So, these are just some of the merits of my new house. It's a strange transition, but after much analysis, an understandable one.

Badgers for the win. 

If you've been sorted, what house are you in?

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

the universe hates me, but it's okay because badgers.

I don't know what I did to anger the gods of Tuesday, but whatever it was, I take it back! I'm sorry! Just make it stop! All bad things happen to me on Tuesdays. I'm seriously not even exaggerating. Maybe a little. Mondays are hard sometimes, too.

Anyway, today I was feeling all down and depressed and like I wasn't good at anything. So I went on to Pottermore to cheer myself up and get sorted, right? I got sorted as a Hufflepuff. Which is the universe's way of confirming that, yes, I do suck at everything. I'm not smart, I'm not ambitious, I'm definitely not brave. I'm...patient.

Ugh, fine. Guess I'm off to go work and toil and be nice to people and find crap.

At least our common room is by the KITCHEN. THAT'S RIGHT, LOSERS.

Also, we have badgers. Badgers are amazing. Badgers are the best mascot ever, actually. I take back everything I said about being disappointed by being a Hufflepuff, because how could you be disappointed with a badger? Badgers, grr.

Monday, April 16, 2012


Painting (for English class), listening to classical music, and trying to drink out of the cup that is not filled with watercolors. So far, so good.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

an ordinary sunday

completely irrelevant picture of a cool bike, just because
Today was just like any other Sunday. I woke up early for church and replied to my parents' rhetorical question, "Why is it so hard for you to get out of bed in the mornings?" with such snark as, "Gee, I don't know, maybe it's because I'm tired or something."

It got real dark and rained for a while and I was severely disappointed that I had other things to do that prevented me from enjoying the rare rainy day properly. By properly, I mean curling up by the window with The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes and listening to the sound of the rain as I sip on hot tea and eat biscuits. Sadly, my life is not like a book, and even more sadly, I live in Texas, not England. As it was, I had to be content with listening to Slavonic Dance No. 1 as I tried to figure out the concentration of H3O+ in a certain equation. And I did get some biscuits, only we call them cookies and I call them 'slightly stale Girl Scout Cookies that are not even in my top three favorite kind but they have chocolate so who cares.'

I went and did more Planet Earth stuff and it actually went pretty quickly this time. Also, we were prepared for the poison ivy so that sample was not collected. Booyah. After that I had a soccer game and that was...normal.

More interesting posts coming your way. That's...that's not a promise, though.

Saturday, April 14, 2012

ghosts in graveyards

On Monday, Claudia, Caitlin, Mayrose, and I went to this tiny neighborhood cemetery for a photo shoot. I was supposed to be a model and I did some of that but that's not really my area of expertise so I brought my camera was well. I had fun taking pictures at a different location. It was complete with pretty dresses and smoke bombs and 19th century headstones and also a guest appearance by Claudia's little brother. The best part about it was that it was all completely legal, thank you very much! 

Friday, April 13, 2012

Whenever I discover something I really like, I tend to get pretty obsessive about it. I freak out about it for a while until I find something new to focus my attention on. Then I'll relapse and return to old obsessions when a new book or movie or season of it comes out. It's been this way with a lot of things. Most recently: Doctor Who. As of tonight, I've finished all six seasons of the new Who; at least, everything that's on Netflix. (I'm too tired to illegally download anything right now.)

And, I don't even know what to say about it. Because you know that stupor you get into when you read a good book or watch a good movie or basically just spend time in another world and you can't quite bring yourself to leave? It's like that. I don't even know what I'm going to do until the fall when it comes back on again. LOL JK I do know; I'll spend a million hours on Tumblr reblogging everything that's related to it and rewatch my favorite episodes and sometimes spontaneously think about it and burst into tears and then have people look at me funny and ask if I'm okay as I scream into my pillow when they tell me slowly that it is just a show because no it is not you do not understand.

And I'll find another obsession.

(Pictures tomorrow, pinky swear.) (That means 'leave me alone' for those not as adept at the subtleties of the English language. :)

Thursday, April 12, 2012

catching up

So I didn't do BEDA for TWO DAYS because I was anxiety-ridden and sleep-deprived, and then just sleep-deprived, and now it's almost like I've forgotten how to BLOG. See, what's with all these capital letters? That's not normal, is it? I think I've hit that second week slump where I'm losing creativity and interest and everything. I'm going to try to blog as much as possible until the end of the month, though.

Anyway, you haven't missed much. The most exciting thing I've done is, like, nothing. I gave my presentation for Planet Earth yesterday and that was a huge load off my shoulders. I got into the National Honors Society so I guess I'm now involved with the school or whatever. School is the same. It's not hugely exciting or fun but there are weird bits that happen every day. Like today at lunch we saw some kids climb out a window and onto the roof where they stayed for like fifteen minutes until a security guard told them that, "It sounds romantic, but you're going to have to get down." I don't even.

Well, I have a ton of books to read so I think I'll go do that before I have to leave for soccer practice.

Talk to you later.

Monday, April 09, 2012

being a functioning member of society is so overrated

How I feel today, summed up in a few brief conversations:

Mom: *during prayers before dinner* Thank you for this food, and for our family, and for this weather--
Me: --and please let a tree fall on my school so I don't have to go this week amen.

Madisen: you can do it!
 me:  yeah maybe if i get off tumblr
 Madisen:  kendallll
get off tumblr
 me:  ugh no

Me: All I want is to finish Doctor Who (I only have three episodes left!) and then take a nap until summer; that's not really too much to ask. Pleeeeeeeease?
Universe: No.

Sorry, I just can't write a decent blog post tonight. I'll have lots of pictures later, though.

Sunday, April 08, 2012

thoughts on hair

Look what Sydney did to my hair yesterday. It took an obscene amount of bobby pins. 

My hair is getting kind of long, possibly the longest it's ever been. Ideally, I'd like for it to be a little longer, perhaps an inch or so above my elbow. As a child I always vaguely wanted long hair, as I imagine many girls do, but I never really grew it out. Now I guess I'm living my childhood dreams or something. 

Anyway, once it gets long enough, and I get tired of that, I want to cut it off to my collarbone. See, I simultaneously want long hair and short hair, and it's a bit of a conflict of interest as you can imagine. I have to settle for one at a time.

I'd also like to dye my hair sometime...not all of it, just maybe streaks or tips. That's just an experience I'd like to have, you know? I'm thinking aqua or magenta in terms of colors. The only hesitation I have is that it's such a trendy thing to do and so many people have been doing it and I'm just too much of a hipster to want to follow that. (I hope that sarcasm translates.) Maybe this summer.

Saturday, April 07, 2012

fake summer

I thought today would be another day of not leaving the house, but then my friend Sydney invited over so I actually did end up doing something.

We made this weird jam thing because we always tend to make some sort of strange concoction without a recipe (recipes are for losers). It tasted all right for something made with fruit found in a backyard.

Then we got ice cream at Amy's and flitted through Goodwill and walked the rest of the way back. I don't know why, but there's something about weaving aimlessly through neighborhoods that just makes me so nostalgic for, like, my childhood and for summer. I love it. I love exploring overgrown tunnels and walking in the middle of the street and passing by people mowing their lawn or shooting hoops or whatever. At one point we heard what sounded like live music, floating in from someone's yard a street or so over.

Afterwards we ate too much food and watched Jane Eyre and started to watch Downton Abbey only we only got like three minutes in before I had to go.

It just felt like one of those summer days. Two more months to go.

City lights on the drive home. (Gotta love that DSLR quality. Hah.)

Friday, April 06, 2012

my dream house is a tree house

source unknown.
Have I ever mentioned that I want to live in a tree house? Well, I do. I want to live in a tree house in the middle of a park. I'm still deciding between Central Park and Golden Gate Park. I can't tell which coast is calling me more.

Either way, it'll be pretty small, hidden up the tallest trees so as not to disturb any passerby. There'll be a rope ladder that drops down for those rare occasions when I feel like venturing out. It'll be a rectangle shape, maybe just three main rooms. There'll be a small bedroom toward the back, but I might not have a bed, just a mattress on the floor to save space. There will be a small kitchen area with a tiny wooden table with two chairs. It will open up to the main living space. An old sofa, a beaten up coffee table, lots of pictures on the walls. I haven't thought much about the interior design, but I know it will be filled with books. Books, mostly on a bookshelf, but also scattered around everywhere, as they tend to be.

There will be windows, of course. Maybe even a window seat. Yes, definitely a window seat. I'll take tea there, every morning, and a newspaper because some traditions can't change. I'll sit there when it rains, and look out on the world. At night, I'll watch the glittering city lights and squint to find the stars.

And during the day, I'll write. Mostly, that means sitting around and drumming my fingers against the keyboard as I ponder life with such intensity that words completely fail. I'll bake cookies and scatter crumbs for the birds while I wait for the right words to come. On that rare occasion when I do know what to say, though, the sound of the keyboard will be the sound of something that knows what it wants and it will be lovely.

Sometimes, I'll leave my tree house. Carefully, I'll tiptoe down and land safely on my feet. It will feel good to be on the ground. I'll walk around the park, observe strangers, take pictures. I'll walk around town; perusing secondhand bookstores for worn out poetry volumes, scanning the sale racks for new sweaters because goodness knows I won't already have enough, strolling through the botanical gardens to see what's in bloom this season. Maybe I'll meet friends for lunch at a small French cafe so I don't drift too far away from reality and from human contact.

Perhaps, occasionally, if I come up with the sums, I'll travel. I'll hitch a ride with someone with an interesting name and an even more interesting face and we'll go to Paris and Petra and Peru and all manner of places. My passport will grow thick with all the stamps and the smell of the ocean will tide me over when I'm at home amid the trees.

I don't know how it's going to work, but I am going to live in a tree house.

Thursday, April 05, 2012

alright thursday

According to my English teacher, it's what comes before Good Friday. Today was better than alright, though. I got an A on a chemistry quiz (pause and reflect on that for a moment) and I get to have dessert twice so yeah, life is pretty good. Days when I do something other than the usual school-homework-computer are nice because then I have other stuff to blog about! ...That is legitimately my reasoning. Sigh.

Today after school I walked with some friends to Sonic, which is on the other side of this really sketchy bridge. We observed several articles of clothing strewn about on the concrete in addition to various containers that may or may not have at one time been home to liquor, as well as other items that led us to draw some rather unflattering conclusions about those denizens who frequent that particular structure. I mean whut.

So I had a LemonBerry CreamSlush (hurray for compound words!) and some tater tots and also some water with magical ice. The best part was probably when Caitlin got an email back from Taco Bell. She emailed them a few weeks ago bemoaning the loss of her favorite grilled steak taquitos from their menu and they emailed back today apologizing for her "horrible experience" and offered her some free taquitos. Basically it was pretty hilarious.

Then we went to see our school's play. It was not really a feel-good flick, but it was good.

Then I went to soccer practice where we scrimmaged some thirteen year old boys. That's always an interesting experience. I appreciate the ones who have the class to curse in foreign languages.

Alright. I'm going to go have some cake, shower, and then watch Doctor Who. I'm pretty sure I've mentioned the fact that I'm watching Doctor Who in 90% of my posts recently, and if I haven't, I've thought about it. Instead of apologizing for this like other people might, I'm just going to say that I should make that 100%. Fifth season, what up. OK, I'm really going now.

Oh, yeah, four day weekend! This calls for many exclamation points with 'ones' strategically and intentionally placed in between. Ready? READY!!!!!!!!!!1!1!!!!

Wednesday, April 04, 2012

birthday cake

Today was my youngest sister's eleventh birthday. It was also, on a darker note, the anniversary of MLK's assassination, but that's not why we had cake.

Chocolate peanut butter cake from Sweetish Hill.

Yummm except I couldn't finish mine. I'm so disappointed with myself. When I was younger I could probably have eaten two pieces and now I'm barely completing one? So ashamed. I guess I just had too much freaking vegetable soup. I kept looking for pieces of chicken. There were none. It was pretty sad.

Also my bathroom is being completely obliterated but that's a story for another time. I'm tired and still have an ungodly amount of math homework to do. Luckily, tomorrow is the last day of school for the week. Four day weekends, I love you.

Tuesday, April 03, 2012

please excuse my banal analogies

from one minute... the next.

Some people's lives are like a fairytale or a blockbuster movie or a classic coming of age novel.

Mine is more like a low-budget comedy sitcom that was canceled after the first season. By that I mean, it's not very exciting, but it's often laughably bad. Sometimes, it's surprisingly beautiful.

Mostly, it's just weird.

Monday, April 02, 2012

the quiet one

Shoot, I guess I should post or something. Oh, I know! Here's something I wrote for my English class that actually received a decent grade. With some edits.

I am the quiet one. I’ve always been the quiet one. It’s what teachers say with a well-intentioned smile. It’s what my friends call me, only half-jokingly. It’s what strangers, the kind ones, must think of me when everyone else is socializing and I’m just sitting back, staring at my cuticles. 

My friend and I were talking recently when she joked that I could become mute and no one would notice for a week. This is a bit of an exaggeration, but it wouldn’t have been funny if it wasn’t rooted in truth. And the truth is, I am quiet.

It stems from shyness, from being afraid. I’m not quiet because I don’t like people. On the contrary, I like them so much I’m afraid of saying the wrong thing. And, adding on to that, small talk isn’t my thing. I prefer not to talk unless I have something to say. I’d rather listen than speak, and I’d rather sit by myself than get up to join a group of people I don’t know. I’m not just quiet. I’m shy. The two go hand in hand in my case.

It’s not that I want to be quiet. Out of all the traits out there, ‘quiet’ isn’t one you necessarily want to list on your resume. It’s not a bad thing, though, or at least it shouldn’t be. There’s nothing inherently wrong with not wanting to talk. There are plenty of times I find myself wishing everyone else would be a bit quieter. 

But the world, in case you hadn’t noticed, seems to favor extroversion. School depends heavily upon interaction. Group projects, presentations, class discussions are all things that make me tense and they are all things I am expected to participate in. School is not for the quiet, and neither, I’m told, is real life. 

It’s hard being quiet. The actual not talking part is beyond easy. It’s natural. It’s comfortable. But the implications of that not talking aren’t always great. Society tends to value those who are outspoken, confident, and brave. The ones who are friendly and talkative. As for those of us who prefer for whatever reason to keep to ourselves, we are the ones destined to be wallflowers.

That’s not, of course, to say there aren’t advantages to being quiet. For one thing, you get to continually surprise people. With some individuals, you know their entire life story before you even know their name, but quiet people are revealed more slowly, in layers. Maybe it’s weird, but I enjoy it when people look at me and say things like, “I didn’t know you played the guitar. That’s so cool!” Well, yeah, that’s because I don’t mention it, but thanks. 

I am quiet, but perhaps as a result of this, every little interaction means more to me. A smile, a wave, a quick question. It means a lot to me when people take the time to talk to me. I may not talk a lot, but when I do, it’s more significant. 

There are times, every day, when I wish I was louder, when I wish I talked more. If this was something I could change easily, believe me, I would. There are so many things I wish I could say that pile in my brain. Things I could say, things I would say, if only I had the guts. Just because I don’t initiative a conversation with someone doesn’t mean I don’t want to. 

Other people are defined by other adjectives. They’re pretty, loud, funny, obnoxious, smart...all manner of words. And me, I’m quiet.

Sunday, April 01, 2012

planet earth is a death trap.

I thought I'd start April off right; that is, with a blog post! I'm not going to do to BEDA (maybe in August), but I will I do BALIAALALMTIDIM. That stands for Blog A Lot In April, At Least A Lot More Than I Did In March. (I made it up. Aren't I clever.)

Today my friend Caitlin and I had to venture into a park to collect data for our Planet Earth class. I kind of miss Great Ideas, which we had last semester, because during it we only had to go in the woods ONCE. For this class, we have already been like four times. The last time was during a field trip on Thursday, which was enjoyable because I saw two snakes, some fish, cardinals and other birds, a bajillion daddy long legs, and a raccoon in a dumpster! That part was fun, but my favorite part was probably lunch which my classmates turned into 'let's ask the teacher personal questions' time. I learned lots of interesting tidbits from this, but above all, I learned never be a high school teacher because then your students will film you dancing to DDR and put it on Facebook and even the mom who is the chaperone will have seen it.

Where was I? Oh yeah, today. We had to lay down a 50 meter transect and then record all the plants that had overhang along it. (Twice.) This will be easy, I thought. But easy it was not! It was 85 degrees and sunny, but it felt about 100 degrees. Our park is so jank; it's so uneven and there aren't paths so we have to walk through the brush and also there are probably homeless people who live there. The first transect took forever because there were so many freaking plants, and they all look the same, okay, green and leafy, but then the second one we got smart and went somewhere with only three trees. Pecan trees 4ever.

Conclusion: I like nature. But not analyzing it, just...letting it be.

So...that was my afternoon. Now I'm going to finish homework and then do stuff I actually want to do like watch Doctor Who and write things that rhyme. Okay, bye.

P.S. A random word of advice, garnered from my extensive life experience: WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT EAT THE DIRT FLAVORED JELLY BEAN FROM BERNIE BOTT'S EVERY FLAVORED BEANS. JUST...DON'T.